What I have lost by going without a car

March 30, 2009

Ford Model T used for giving tourist rides at ...
Image via Wikipedia

…And what I have gained. A three month retrospective

I am now in the third month of going carless, and it seems good time to take stock of what I have lost and what I have gained by going carless.

Some of these salient points I had expected: more money in my pocket, better physical conditioning. But others are more surprising.

For example, when driving, my eyes had to be focused on the road and the narrow confines of street entrances and exits. I’d check the sidewalks and get a general sense of color in the vegetation, but that’s it.

When I walk, I find that my world has more dimension, more depth and more breadth. I am able to turn my head and look into side yards, view down unfamiliar streets and alleyways.

As I make a round trip, I choose to walk each side of the road, and each offers an different point of view. I see clotheslines and gardens and interesting by-ways that are invisible from the main road.

Likewise, I become aware of the tilts and swings [click to continue…]

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Spirit Memory

March 23, 2009

I have come to the point in my life where I do not buy artwork unless I know the artist–preferably in person, but if not, then as much as possible about who they are.

This is especially important in three-dimensional art, such as ceramics or weaving.

If I cannot touch the person through the piece they have created, even though the work of art may be very beautiful, it does not have meaning for me. I will not acquire it.

Which brings me to the oldest of arts, women crafts. You know what they are: embroidery, weaving, quilting, beadery, crocheting, knitting, tatting.

These crafts, historically were pick-up work done in fleeting afternoon moments of freedom before the children arrived home from school, or in the evening after the  family had retired.  These women wove their own life memories into each work.

It continued into joint projects as well. Historically quilting was embued with both the gathering of women to finish the quilt and the memories for each piece of fabric incorporated therein. A spirit memory, if you will.

I believe that such work becomes imbued with the memories of what was happening at the time it was created.

For example, during the critical illness of my mother, I worked laboriously on a needlepoint project, thinking the bright colors would help pass the time. When my parent died a short time later,  I threw the piece away unfinished. Because of all the heartache and anguish soaked into the threads, I could not bear to see it.

Conversely, I made an afghan for my child and know that the love I threaded through each stitch still surrounds her on cold nights. She treasures it, as do I, because of the warm emotion that surrounds each strand of yarn.

Traditional Native American beliefs speak to the spirit embedded even in inanimate objects such as rocks and water.  How much more aware and intimate, then, must be those objects we have touched as humans with our own hearts and spirit.

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In the shadow of the airplane’s wing

February 24, 2009

Bi-Plane Pilot
Image by Nogwater via Flickr

When I was a young adult, one of the greatest pleasures on a Saturday night was to park at the end of the runway at Lindberg Field in San Diego. 

There we’d join a lot of other thrill seekers as we opened the windows, pulled down the convertible top and experienced the visceral rush of jet planes.  They roared to a steep takeoff to miss the pilot’s nightmare of the high rise towers looming just beyond the runway.

It was like being on the front row of the Winter Nationals.  Only instead of the nitro fumes from the dragsters we had waves of jet diesel and engines hundreds of times more powerful.  Your entire being would throb with the vibration and the roar and the excitement of the flight passing just overhead.

Now, as an older adult, my airplane viewing sometimes takes a different path.  As I was walking today the shadow of a small plane taking off from our local airport passed over me. I felt the lift of the wings and my spirit soared, too.  I was close enough that the pilot waved to me and I lifted my arm in return.

I turned to follow the plane’s path as it flew over a vacant field, toggled its wings once to me, and then vanished into the winter sky.  Pleasure, indeed. It was, in its way, just as intense and just as enjoyable as my early life’s need for the adrenaline roller-coaster rush at Lindberg Field.

And it occurs to me that each age has pleasure that it claims for its own.  In all the wonderful sensory areas of life: touching, tasting, loving, wondering.

Life is good, no matter what the age!

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Going car-less, one month in, slower paced and full of nature

February 23, 2009

Horse and buggy (Naqsh-i Jahan Square)
Image via Wikipedia

It has been a month now since I’ve gone car-less and a good time to reflect on the changes that have occurred in my life as a result.

My pace has slowed

I suppose that would be obvious, but I find myself reflecting more on nature.  Today on the walk back from my office I paused at a small stream to listen to the water. 

 I’ve probably passed this spot hundreds of times when I drove by, but never stopped.  I like the sound of running water that has been added to my day.

[click to continue…]

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Ain’t love grand!

February 18, 2009

 

Pink Cotton Candy on Blue Canvas
Image by shouldbecleaning via Flickr

Have you ever gotten into a new relationship and found yourself leaning closer and closer to the other person, wanting to please them, enjoying the pink cotton-candy euphoria of new love?

 
You may find yourself leaning so far forward that you are at risk of losing your balance as that ultimate aphrodisiac, fusion, engulfs you!

[click to continue…]

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25 Things you probably don’t know about me

February 13, 2009

A thermal image compiled of two images taken b...
Image via Wikipedia

Rising to the challenge sent my way by Corrine Edwards (Thanks, Corrine!) here are 25 things you probably don’t know about me.

1. As a child I went door to door selling flowers–three sprays of gladiolus for 25 cents.  It was a bigger success that my entrepreneurial venture selling dandelion curls to the corner grocer, I am happy to say.

2. I won first prize at a State Fair for popcorn I grew myself.

3. I rode for three hours in a vapor-locked VW in order to drink lemonade at a saloon [click to continue…]

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How to become an intimate listener

February 12, 2009

Valentine Hearts Special
Image by tigerlillyshop via Flickr

We think we know how to listen, but we don’t. And because we don’t, we miss out on a huge opportunity to become more intimate with our partners.

As we grow closer to the Day of Love, consider these ways to become a more attentive listener.

We learned as infants that the way to get what we wanted was to howl louder, longer, and more frequently than others in the family. As babies, we didn’t listen much, and we did demand a lot.

When that continues to be our modus operandi as adults, in a relationship we both lose out. The key to deep emotional intimacy

[click to continue…]

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Doing it all

February 11, 2009

courtesy Sloneart.
Image via Wikipedia

Just when the women’s movement was getting cranked up, a commercial came out that had a career woman running a meeting, picking up the kids, cooking a gourmet meal, of course.  In essence not only bringing home the bacon but ‘cooking it in a pan.’  The theme of the day was ‘I am woman–hear me roar!’

Then women started to realize it was darn hard work to do it all alone, and we got the guys involved.  Not only did they start helping with the cooking and baby-diapering–we expected them to be sensitive, too.

And now? The mantra for everybody now seems to be ”you can do everything you want, just not all at once.”  Big strides forward, it seems to me, but still somehow lacking. 

[click to continue…]

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Two are better than one

February 8, 2009

2 are better than 1
Image by jimpg2 via Flickr

Two ARE better than one. Take Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Or Mr. and Mrs. Smith. How about you and the love of your life?

We CAN do it alone. Many single parents are doing it, every day of the year, with no time off for Sundays and vacations. My hat is off to them. But when the opportunity arises, having a little help can make all the difference in the world.

Sometimes that help is through a strong network of friends. I think that women sometimes have an easier time of this than guys do. [click to continue…]

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Week 2-Going car-less: My automatic pilot hits an updraft

February 7, 2009

1924 Stanley Steamer Serie 740 Powered by a tw...
Image via Wikipedia

Going car-less means that on a semi-regular basis I need to rent a car for business use. This is not without hazard.  Especially to a creature of habit like me.

For three decades I’ve driven GM vehicles.  I know without looking exactly how to crank the lever to shift into drive, how to push back the seat, which side the gas tank is on.

So when I climbed into a Mazda for the commute this week, I was a bit cautious.  Steering wheel, check.  Gas gauge, check. The on-the-floor loop-de-loop shift gear stopped me for a moment, but that, too, came under control.

But something happened that night when I finally closed my office door and headed out.  [click to continue…]

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Why we sabotage our relationships

February 6, 2009

Cupids Arrows
Image via Wikipedia

I have a friend whose problem is jealousy. She freely admits it. But her solution is to fight fire with fire. She gets jealous because her boyfriend shows too much attention to the waitress. And then SHE gets back at him by throwing herself at the next available male.

Or take another example. A colleague at my office has a good thing going.  He is in love with a wonderful woman with great kids. Their relationship is sweet.

Only she wants to go slow and he wants to get married, to ‘get her off the market’ and away from the competition. So he’s pushing too hard, and may lose her in the process.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we self-sabotage the very thing that can make us happy? [click to continue…]

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Interview with Ilyssa Swartout, Part III: Infertility is a family issue

February 5, 2009

Baby's cradle
Image by akatrya via Flickr

This is Part III of a three-part interview series with Dr. Ilyssa Swartout, a licensed psychologist in Arizona with specialized knowledge about infertility and adoption issues.

Today we will be talking about how family and friends can help a couple who is experiencing infertility.

Int: If a reader had a friend or a family member that was going through this infertility exploration process, what is helpful? What might they say?

IS: First, be a good listener rather than giving solutions for their infertility problems. It is important for friends and family to understand several points:

1) Infertility can threaten a person’s emotional well being, dreams for the future and affect virtually all of their relationships with others.

2) The degree of depression and anxiety that is often associated with infertility can equal that of a person coping with a life threatening illness, such as cancer or AIDS.

3) Often, couples keep their diagnosis of infertility [click to continue…]

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Interview with Ilyssa Swartout, Part II: Men & Women approach infertility differently

February 4, 2009

Baby Pink
Image by **Mary** via Flickr

This is Part II of a three-part interview series with Dr. Ilyssa Swartout, a licensed psychologist in Arizona with specialized knowledge about infertility and adoption issues.

Today we will be talking about how men and women approach infertility: the communication issues and the anxiety created by the condition.

Int: It can be anxiety producing because you are introducing strangers into what is a very private matter between partners?

IS: Exactly. Some couples have said it is like having the doctor in the bedroom with them.

Int: Ouch!

IS: I encourage couples who are trying to conceive on their own with or without medications, before they decide to partake in IVF or artificial insemination, to save their bed for their love-making and pick someplace else to try to conceive. [click to continue…]

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Interview with Ilyssa Swartout, Part I: Full of love but out of time

February 3, 2009

Today we start a three-part interview series with Dr. Ilyssa Swartout, a licensed psychologist in Arizona with specialized knowledge about infertility and adoption issues.

Interviewer: Welcome Ilyssa! Thank you so much for visiting with us this afternoon.

Ilyssa Swartout: You are welcome. My pleasure.

Int: I’d like to begin by asking where you got started. I know that your practice covers a lot of different areas, but specifically with couples who are working through infertility issues and perhaps adoption thereafter.

IS: I started my private practice 6 years ago. At that time, I knew that I wanted to have a specialty, find a niche. I found one in the field of infertility. It interested me, because that is my personal issue and it resonated with me deeply. The next step was to find the resources and consultation opportunities, in order to turn my vision into reality. [click to continue…]

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The hugs are free

February 1, 2009

valentine's day
Image by kristinamay via Flickr

I grew up knowing two grandfathers. One was Norwegian, an emigrant from the cold icy fiords of Scandinavia. The other was a stoic German.

Neither was much for public—or private!—displays of affection. So perhaps it could be expected that my family of origin was calm, rational, in control, and definitely not emotional.

I didn’t fully realize the joy and comfort in physical touch until young adulthood, when my infant daughter would settle for no less. What a wonderful edition to my life!

So I have been trying to puzzle out what is so special about touch, and hugs in particular. [click to continue…]

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